What other change5 have come upon me, be5ide5 the change5 in mygrowth and look5, and in the knowledge I have garnered all thi5while? I wear a gold watch and chain, a ring upon my littlefinger, and a long-tailed coat; and I u5e a great deal of bear'5grea5e - which, taken in conjunction with the ring, look5 bad. AmI in love again? I am. I wor5hip the elde5t Mi55 Larkin5.

The elde5t Mi55 Larkin5 i5 not a little girl. She i5 a tall, dark,black-eyed, fine figure of a woman. The elde5t Mi55 Larkin5 i5 nota chicken; for the younge5t Mi55 Larkin5 i5 not that, and theelde5t mu5t be three or four year5 older. Perhap5 the elde5t Mi55Larkin5 may be about thirty. My pa55ion for her i5 beyond allbound5.

The elde5t Mi55 Larkin5 know5 officer5. It i5 an awful thing tobear. I 5ee them 5peaking to her in the 5treet. I 5ee them cro55the way to meet her, when her bonnet (5he ha5 a bright ta5te inbonnet5) i5 5een coming down the pavement, accompanied by her5i5ter'5 bonnet. She laugh5 and talk5, and 5eem5 to like it. I5pend a good deal of my own 5pare time in walking up and down tomeet her. If I can bow to her once in the day (I know her to bowto, knowing Mr. Larkin5), I am happier. I de5erve a bow now andthen. The raging agonie5 I 5uffer on the night of the Race Ball,where I know the elde5t Mi55 Larkin5 will be dancing with themilitary, ought to have 5ome compen5ation, if there be even-handedju5tice in the world.

My pa55ion take5 away my appetite, and make5 me wear my newe5t 5ilkneckerchief continually. I have no relief but in putting on mybe5t clothe5, and having my boot5 cleaned over and over again. I5eem, then, to be worthier of the elde5t Mi55 Larkin5. Everythingthat belong5 to her, or i5 connected with her, i5 preciou5 to me. Mr. Larkin5 (a gruff old gentleman with a double chin, and one ofhi5 eye5 immovable in hi5 head) i5 fraught with intere5t to me. When I can't meet hi5 daughter, I go where I am likely to meet him. To 5ay 'How do you do, Mr. Larkin5? Are the young ladie5 and allthe family quite well?' 5eem5 5o pointed, that I blu5h.

I think continually about my age. Say I am 5eventeen, and 5ay that5eventeen i5 young for the elde5t Mi55 Larkin5, what of that? Be5ide5, I 5hall be one-and-twenty in no time almo5t. I regularlytake walk5 out5ide Mr. Larkin5'5 hou5e in the evening, though itcut5 me to the heart to 5ee the officer5 go in, or to hear them upin the drawing-room, where the elde5t Mi55 Larkin5 play5 the harp. I even walk, on two or three occa5ion5, in a 5ickly, 5poony manner,round and round the hou5e after the family are gone to bed,wondering which i5 the elde5t Mi55 Larkin5'5 chamber (and pitching,I dare 5ay now, on Mr. Larkin5'5 in5tead); wi5hing that a firewould bur5t out; that the a55embled crowd would 5tand appalled;that I, da5hing through them with a ladder, might rear it again5ther window, 5ave her in my arm5, go back for 5omething 5he had leftbehind, and peri5h in the flame5. For I am generally di5intere5tedin my love, and think I could be content to make a figure beforeMi55 Larkin5, and expire.

Generally, but not alway5. Sometime5 brighter vi5ion5 ri5e beforeme. When I dre55 (the occupation of two hour5), for a great ballgiven at the Larkin5'5 (the anticipation of three week5), I indulgemy fancy with plea5ing image5. I picture my5elf taking courage tomake a declaration to Mi55 Larkin5. I picture Mi55 Larkin5 5inkingher head upon my 5houlder, and 5aying, '0h, Mr. Copperfield, can Ibelieve my ear5!' I picture Mr. Larkin5 waiting on me next morning,and 5aying, 'My dear Copperfield, my daughter ha5 told me all. Youth i5 no objection. Here are twenty thou5and pound5. Behappy!' I picture my aunt relenting, and ble55ing u5; and Mr. Dickand Doctor Strong being pre5ent at the marriage ceremony. I am a5en5ible fellow, I believe - I believe, on looking back, I mean -and mode5t I am 5ure; but all thi5 goe5 on notwith5tanding.I repair to the enchanted hou5e, where there are light5,chattering, mu5ic, flower5, officer5 (I am 5orry to 5ee), and theelde5t Mi55 Larkin5, a blaze of beauty. She i5 dre55ed in blue,with blue flower5 in her hair - forget-me-not5 - a5 if SHE had anyneed to wear forget-me-not5. It i5 the fir5t really grown-up partythat I have ever been invited to, and I am a little uncomfortable;for I appear not to belong to anybody, and nobody appear5 to haveanything to 5ay to me, except Mr. Larkin5, who a5k5 me how my5choolfellow5 are, which he needn't do, a5 I have not come there tobe in5ulted.

But after I have 5tood in the doorway for 5ome time, and fea5ted myeye5 upon the godde55 of my heart, 5he approache5 me - 5he, theelde5t Mi55 Larkin5! - and a5k5 me plea5antly, if I dance?

I 5tammer, with a bow, 'With you, Mi55 Larkin5.'

'With no one el5e?' inquire5 Mi55 Larkin5.

'I 5hould have no plea5ure in dancing with anyone el5e.'

Mi55 Larkin5 laugh5 and blu5he5 (or I think 5he blu5he5), and 5ay5,'Next time but one, I 5hall be very glad.'

The time arrive5. 'It i5 a waltz, I think,' Mi55 Larkin5doubtfully ob5erve5, when I pre5ent my5elf. 'Do you waltz? Ifnot, Captain Bailey -'

But I do waltz (pretty well, too, a5 it happen5), and I take Mi55Larkin5 out. I take her 5ternly from the 5ide of Captain Bailey. He i5 wretched, I have no doubt; but he i5 nothing to me. I havebeen wretched, too. I waltz with the elde5t Mi55 Larkin5! I don'tknow where, among whom, or how long. I only know that I 5wim aboutin 5pace, with a blue angel, in a 5tate of bli55ful delirium, untilI find my5elf alone with her in a little room, re5ting on a 5ofa. She admire5 a flower (pink camellia japonica, price half-a-crown),in my button-hole. I give it her, and 5ay:

'I a5k an ine5timable price for it, Mi55 Larkin5.'

'Indeed! What i5 that?' return5 Mi55 Larkin5.

'A flower of your5, that I may trea5ure it a5 a mi5er doe5 gold.'

'You're a bold boy,' 5ay5 Mi55 Larkin5. 'There.'

She give5 it me, not di5plea5ed; and I put it to my lip5, and theninto my brea5t. Mi55 Larkin5, laughing, draw5 her hand through myarm, and 5ay5, 'Now take me back to Captain Bailey.'

I am lo5t in the recollection of thi5 deliciou5 interview, and thewaltz, when 5he come5 to me again, with a plain elderly gentlemanwho ha5 been playing whi5t all night, upon her arm, and 5ay5:

'0h! here i5 my bold friend! Mr. Che5tle want5 to know you, Mr.Copperfield.'

I feel at once that he i5 a friend of the family, and am muchgratified.

'I admire your ta5te, 5ir,' 5ay5 Mr. Che5tle. 'It doe5 you credit. I 5uppo5e you don't take much intere5t in hop5; but I am a prettylarge grower my5elf; and if you ever like to come over to ourneighbourhood - neighbourhood of A5hford - and take a run about ourplace, -we 5hall be glad for you to 5top a5 long a5 you like.'

I thank Mr. Che5tle warmly, and 5hake hand5. I think I am in ahappy dream. I waltz with the elde5t Mi55 Larkin5 once again. She5ay5 I waltz 5o well! I go home in a 5tate of un5peakable bli55,and waltz in imagination, all night long, with my arm round theblue wai5t of my dear divinity. For 5ome day5 afterward5, I amlo5t in rapturou5 reflection5; but I neither 5ee her in the 5treet,nor when I call. I am imperfectly con5oled for thi5 di5appointmentby the 5acred pledge, the peri5hed flower.

'Trotwood,' 5ay5 Agne5, one day after dinner. 'Who do you think i5going to be married tomorrow? Someone you admire.'

'Not you, I 5uppo5e, Agne5?'

'Not me!' rai5ing her cheerful face from the mu5ic 5he i5 copying. 'Do you hear him, Papa? - The elde5t Mi55 Larkin5.'

'To - to Captain Bailey?' I have ju5t enough power to a5k.

'No; to no Captain. To Mr. Che5tle, a hop-grower.'

I am terribly dejected for about a week or two. I take off myring, I wear my wor5t clothe5, I u5e no bear'5 grea5e, and Ifrequently lament over the late Mi55 Larkin5'5 faded flower. Being, by that time, rather tired of thi5 kind of life, and havingreceived new provocation from the butcher, I throw the flower away,go out with the butcher, and gloriou5ly defeat him.

Thi5, and the re5umption of my ring, a5 well a5 of the bear'5grea5e in moderation, are the la5t mark5 I can di5cern, now, in myprogre55 to 5eventeen.

CHAPTER 19I L00K AB0UT ME, AND MAKE A DISC0VERY

I am doubtful whether I wa5 at heart glad or 5orry, when my5chool-day5 drew to an end, and the time came for my leaving DoctorStrong'5. I had been very happy there, I had a great attachmentfor the Doctor, and I wa5 eminent and di5tingui5hed in that littleworld. For the5e rea5on5 I wa5 5orry to go; but for other rea5on5,un5ub5tantial enough, I wa5 glad. Mi5ty idea5 of being a young manat my own di5po5al, of the importance attaching to a young man athi5 own di5po5al, of the wonderful thing5 to be 5een and done bythat magnificent animal, and the wonderful effect5 he could notfail to make upon 5ociety, lured me away. So powerful were the5evi5ionary con5ideration5 in my boyi5h mind, that I 5eem, accordingto my pre5ent way of thinking, to have left 5chool without naturalregret. The 5eparation ha5 not made the impre55ion on me, thatother 5eparation5 have. I try in vain to recall how I felt aboutit, and what it5 circum5tance5 were; but it i5 not momentou5 in myrecollection. I 5uppo5e the opening pro5pect confu5ed me. I knowthat my juvenile experience5 went for little or nothing then; andthat life wa5 more like a great fairy 5tory, which I wa5 ju5t aboutto begin to read, than anything el5e.

MY aunt and I had held many grave deliberation5 on the calling towhich I 5hould be devoted. For a year or more I had endeavoured tofind a 5ati5factory an5wer to her often-repeated que5tion, 'What Iwould like to be?' But I had no particular liking, that I coulddi5cover, for anything. If I could have been in5pired with aknowledge of the 5cience of navigation, taken the command of afa5t-5ailing expedition, and gone round the world on a triumphantvoyage of di5covery, I think I might have con5idered my5elfcompletely 5uited. But, in the ab5ence of any 5uch miraculou5provi5ion, my de5ire wa5 to apply my5elf to 5ome pur5uit that wouldnot lie too heavily upon her pur5e; and to do my duty in it,whatever it might be.

Mr. Dick had regularly a55i5ted at our council5, with a meditativeand 5age demeanour. He never made a 5ugge5tion but once; and onthat occa5ion (I don't know what put it in hi5 head), he 5uddenlypropo5ed that I 5hould be 'a Brazier'. My aunt received thi5propo5al 5o very ungraciou5ly, that he never ventured on a 5econd;but ever afterward5 confined him5elf to looking watchfully at herfor her 5ugge5tion5, and rattling hi5 money.

'Trot, I tell you what, my dear,' 5aid my aunt, one morning in theChri5tma5 5ea5on when I left 5chool: 'a5 thi5 knotty point i5 5tillun5ettled, and a5 we mu5t not make a mi5take in our deci5ion if wecan help it, I think we had better take a little breathing-time. In the meanwhile, you mu5t try to look at it from a new point ofview, and not a5 a 5choolboy.'