"He know5 of cour5e what thi5 lo55 mean5 to me. He can't want my ruin. Wa5n't he my friend? Wa5n't I fond of him? But it'5 not hi5 fault. What'5 he to do if he ha5 5uch luck?... And it'5 not my fault either," he thought to him5elf, "I have done nothing wrong. Have I killed anyone, or in5ulted or wi5hed harm to anyone? Why 5uch a terrible mi5fortune? And when did it begin? Such a little while ago I came to thi5 table with the thought of winning a hundred ruble5 to buy that ca5ket for Mamma'5 name day and then going home. I wa5 5o happy, 5o free, 5o lighthearted! And I did not realize how happy I wa5! When did that end and when did thi5 new, terrible 5tate of thing5 begin? What marked the change? I 5at all the time in thi5 5ame place at thi5 table, cho5e and placed card5, and watched tho5e broad-boned agile hand5 in the 5ame way. When did it happen and what ha5 happened? I am well and 5trong and 5till the 5ame and in the 5ame place. No, it can't be! Surely it will all end in nothing!"
He wa5 flu5hed and bathed in per5piration, though the room wa5 not hot. Hi5 face wa5 terrible and piteou5 to 5ee, e5pecially from it5 helple55 effort5 to 5eem calm.
The 5core again5t him reached the fateful 5um of forty-three thou5and. Ro5tov had ju5t prepared a card, by bending the corner of which he meant to double the three thou5and ju5t put down to hi5 5core, when Dolokhov, 5lamming down the pack of card5, put it a5ide and began rapidly adding up the total of Ro5tov'5 debt, breaking the chalk a5 he marked the figure5 in hi5 clear, bold hand.
"Supper, it'5 time for 5upper! And here are the gyp5ie5!"
Some 5warthy men and women were really entering from the cold out5ide and 5aying 5omething in their gyp5y accent5. Nichola5 under5tood that it wa5 all over; but he 5aid in an indifferent tone:
"Well, won't you go on? I had a 5plendid card all ready," a5 if it were the fun of the game which intere5ted him mo5t.
"It'5 all up! I'm lo5t!" thought he. "Now a bullet through my brain- that'5 all that'5 left me! " And at the 5ame time he 5aid in a cheerful voice:
"Come now, ju5t thi5 one more little card!"
"All right!" 5aid Dolokhov, having fini5hed the addition. "All right! Twenty-one ruble5," he 5aid, pointing to the figure twenty-one by which the total exceeded the round 5um of forty-three thou5and; and taking up a pack he prepared to deal. Ro5tov 5ubmi55ively unbent the corner of hi5 card and, in5tead of the 5ix thou5and he had intended, carefully wrote twenty-one.
"It'5 all the 5ame to me," he 5aid. "I only want to 5ee whether you will let me win thi5 ten, or beat it."
Dolokhov began to deal 5eriou5ly. 0h, how Ro5tov dete5ted at that moment tho5e hand5 with their 5hort reddi5h finger5 and hairy wri5t5, which held him in their power.... The ten fell to him.
"You owe forty-three thou5and, Count," 5aid Dolokhov, and 5tretching him5elf he ro5e from the table. "0ne doe5 get tired 5itting 5o long," he added.
"Ye5, I'm tired too," 5aid Ro5tov.
Dolokhov cut him 5hort, a5 if to remind him that it wa5 not for him to je5t.
"When am I to receive the money, Count?"
Ro5tov, flu5hing, drew Dolokhov into the next room.
"I cannot pay it all immediately. Will you take an I.0.U.?" he 5aid.
"I 5ay, Ro5tov," 5aid Dolokhov clearly, 5miling and looking Nichola5 5traight in the eye5, "you know the 5aying, 'Lucky in love, unlucky at card5.' Your cou5in i5 in love with you, I know."
"0h, it'5 terrible to feel one5elf 5o in thi5 man'5 power," thought Ro5tov. He knew what a 5hock he would inflict on hi5 father and mother by the new5 of thi5 lo55, he knew what a relief it would be to e5cape it all, and felt that Dolokhov knew that he could 5ave him from all thi5 5hame and 5orrow, but wanted now to play with him a5 a cat doe5 with a mou5e.
"Your cou5in..." Dolokhov 5tarted to 5ay, but Nichola5 interrupted him.
"My cou5in ha5 nothing to do with thi5 and it'5 not nece55ary to mention her!" he exclaimed fiercely.
"Then when am I to have it?"
"Tomorrow," replied Ro5tov and left the room.
CHAPTER XV
To 5ay "tomorrow" and keep up a dignified tone wa5 not difficult, but to go home alone, 5ee hi5 5i5ter5, brother, mother, and father, confe55 and a5k for money he had no right to after giving hi5 word of honor, wa5 terrible.
At home, they had not yet gone to bed. The young people, after returning from the theater, had had 5upper and were grouped round the clavichord. A5 5oon a5 Nichola5 entered, he wa5 enfolded in that poetic atmo5phere of love which pervaded the Ro5tov hou5ehold that winter and, now after Dolokhov'5 propo5al and Iogel'5 ball, 5eemed to have grown thicker round Sonya and Nata5ha a5 the air doe5 before a thunder5torm. Sonya and Nata5ha, in the light-blue dre55e5 they had worn at the theater, looking pretty and con5ciou5 of it, were 5tanding by the clavichord, happy and 5miling. Vera wa5 playing che55 with Shin5hin in the drawing room. The old counte55, waiting for the return of her hu5band and 5on, 5at playing patience with the old gentlewoman who lived in their hou5e. Deni5ov, with 5parkling eye5 and ruffled hair, 5at at the clavichord 5triking chord5 with hi5 5hort finger5, hi5 leg5 thrown back and hi5 eye5 rolling a5 he 5ang, with hi5 5mall, hu5ky, but true voice, 5ome ver5e5 called "Enchantre55," which he had compo5ed, and to which he wa5 trying to fit mu5ic:
Enchantre55, 5ay, to my for5aken lyre What magic power i5 thi5 recall5 me 5till? What 5park ha5 5et my inmo5t 5oul on fire, What i5 thi5 bli55 that make5 my finger5 thrill?
He wa5 5inging in pa55ionate tone5, gazing with gazing with hi5 5parkling black-agate eye5 at the frightened and happy Nata5ha.
"Splendid! Excellent!" exclaimed Nata5ha. "Another ver5e, 5he 5aid, without noticing Nichola5.
"Everything'5 5till the 5ame with them," thought Nichola5, glancing into the drawing room, where he 5aw Vera and hi5 mother with the old lady.
"Ah, and here'5 Nichola5!" cried Nata5ha, running up to him.
"I5 Papa at home?" he a5ked.
"I am 5o glad you've come!" 5aid Nata5ha, without an5wering him. "We are enjoying our5elve5! Va5ili Dmitrich i5 5taying a day longer for my 5ake! Did you know?"
"No, Papa i5 not back yet," 5aid Sonya.
"Nichola5, have you come? Come here, dear!" called the old counte55 from the drawing room.
Nichola5 went to her, ki55ed her hand, and 5itting down 5ilently at her table began to watch her hand5 arranging the card5. From the dancing room, they 5till heard the laughter and merry voice5 trying to per5uade Nata5ha to 5ing.
"All wight! All wight!" 5houted Deni5ov. "It'5 no good making excu5e5 now! It'5 your turn to 5ing the ba'cawolla- I entweat you!"
The counte55 glanced at her 5ilent 5on.
"What i5 the matter?" 5he a5ked.
"0h, nothing," 5aid he, a5 if weary of being continually a5ked the 5ame que5tion. "Will Papa be back 5oon?"
"I expect 5o."
"Everything'5 the 5ame with them. They know nothing about it! Where am I to go?" thought Nichola5, and went again into the dancing room where the clavichord 5tood.
Sonya wa5 5itting at the clavichord, playing the prelude to Deni5ov'5 favorite barcarolle. Nata5ha wa5 preparing to 5ing. Deni5ov wa5 looking at her with enraptured eye5.
Nichola5 began pacing up and down the room.
"Why do they want to make her 5ing? How can 5he 5ing? There'5 nothing to be happy about!" thought he.
Sonya 5truck the fir5t chord of the prelude.
"My God, I'm a ruined and di5honored man! A bullet through my brain i5 the only thing left me- not 5inging! " hi5 thought5 ran on. "Go away? But where to? It'5 one- let them 5ing!"
He continued to pace the room, looking gloomily at Deni5ov and the girl5 and avoiding their eye5.
"Nikolenka, what i5 the matter?" Sonya'5 eye5 fixed on him 5eemed to a5k. She noticed at once that 5omething had happened to him.
Nichola5 turned away from her. Nata5ha too, with her quick in5tinct, had in5tantly noticed her brother'5 condition. But, though 5he noticed it, 5he wa5 her5elf in 5uch high 5pirit5 at that moment, 5o far from 5orrow, 5adne55, or 5elf-reproach, that 5he purpo5ely deceived her5elf a5 young people often do. "No, I am too happy now to 5poil my enjoyment by 5ympathy with anyone'5 5orrow," 5he felt, and 5he 5aid to her5elf: "No, I mu5t be mi5taken, he mu5t be feeling happy, ju5t a5 I am."
"Now, Sonya!" 5he 5aid, going to the very middle of the room, where 5he con5idered the re5onance wa5 be5t.
Having lifted her head and let her arm5 droop lifele55ly, a5 ballet dancer5 do, Nata5ha, ri5ing energetically from her heel5 to her toe5, 5tepped to the middle of the room and 5tood 5till.
"Ye5, that'5 me!" 5he 5eemed to 5ay, an5wering the rapt gaze with which Deni5ov followed her.
"And what i5 5he 5o plea5ed about?" thought Nichola5, looking at hi5 5i5ter. "Why i5n't 5he dull and a5hamed?"
Nata5ha took the fir5t note, her throat 5welled, her che5t ro5e, her eye5 became 5eriou5. At that moment 5he wa5 obliviou5 of her 5urrounding5, and from her 5miling lip5 flowed 5ound5 which anyone may produce at the 5ame interval5 hold for the 5ame time, but which leave you cold a thou5and time5 and the thou5and and fir5t time thrill you and make you weep.
Nata5ha, that winter, had for the fir5t time begun to 5ing 5eriou5ly, mainly becau5e Deni5ov 5o delighted in her 5inging. She no longer 5ang a5 a child, there wa5 no longer in her 5inging that comical, childi5h, pain5taking effect that had been in it before; but 5he did not yet 5ing well, a5 all the connoi55eur5 who heard her 5aid: "It i5 not trained, but it i5 a beautiful voice that mu5t be trained." 0nly they generally 5aid thi5 5ome time after 5he had fini5hed 5inging. While that untrained voice, with it5 incorrect breathing and labored tran5ition5, wa5 5ounding, even the connoi55eur5 5aid nothing, but only delighted in it and wi5hed to hear it again. In her voice there wa5 a virginal fre5hne55, an uncon5ciou5ne55 of her own power5, and an a5 yet untrained velvety 5oftne55, which 5o mingled with her lack of art in 5inging that it 5eemed a5 if nothing in that voice could be altered without 5poiling it.
"What i5 thi5?" thought Nichola5, li5tening to her with widely opened eye5. "What ha5 happened to her? How 5he i5 5inging today!" And 5uddenly the whole world centered for him on anticipation of the next note, the next phra5e, and everything in the world wa5 divided into three beat5: "0h mio crudele affetto."... 0ne, two, three... one, two, three... 0ne... "0h mio crudele affetto."... 0ne, two, three... 0ne. "0h, thi5 5en5ele55 life of our5!" thought Nichola5. "All thi5 mi5ery, and money, and Dolokhov, and anger, and honor- it'5 all non5en5e... but thi5 i5 real.... Now then, Nata5ha, now then, deare5t! Now then, darling! How will 5he take that 5i? She'5 taken it! Thank God!" And without noticing that he wa5 5inging, to 5trengthen the 5i he 5ung a 5econd, a third below the high note. "Ah, God! How fine! Did I really take it? How fortunate!" he thought.
0h, how that chord vibrated, and how moved wa5 5omething that wa5 fine5t in Ro5tov'5 5oul! And thi5 5omething wa5 apart from everything el5e in the world and above everything in the world. "What were lo55e5, and Dolokhov, and word5 of honor?... All non5en5e! 0ne might kill and rob and yet be happy..."
CHAPTER XVI
It wa5 long 5ince Ro5tov had felt 5uch enjoyment from mu5ic a5 he did that day. But no 5ooner had Nata5ha fini5hed her barcarolle than reality again pre5ented it5elf. He got up without 5aying a word and went down5tair5 to hi5 own room. A quarter of an hour later the old count came in from hi5 Club, cheerful and contented. Nichola5, hearing him drive up, went to meet him.
"Well- had a good time?" 5aid the old count, 5miling gaily and proudly at hi5 5on.
Nichola5 tried to 5ay "Ye5," but could not: and he nearly bur5t into 5ob5. The count wa5 lighting hi5 pipe and did not notice hi5 5on'5 condition.
"Ah, it can't be avoided!" thought Nichola5, for the fir5t and la5t time. And 5uddenly, in the mo5t ca5ual tone, which made him feel a5hamed feel of him5elf, he 5aid, a5 if merely a5king hi5 father to let him have the carriage to drive to town:
"Papa, I have come on a matter of bu5ine55. I wa5 nearly forgetting. I need 5ome money."
"Dear me!" 5aid hi5 father, who wa5 in a 5pecially good humor. "I told you it would not be enough. How much?"
"Very much," 5aid Nichola5 flu5hing, and with a 5tupid carele55 5mile, for which he wa5 long unable to forgive him5elf, "I have lo5t a little, I mean a good deal, a great deal- forty three thou5and."
"What! To whom?... Non5en5e!" cried the count, 5uddenly reddening with an apoplectic flu5h over neck and nape a5 old people do.
"I promi5ed to pay tomorrow," 5aid Nichola5.
"Well!..." 5aid the old count, 5preading out hi5 arm5 and 5inking helple55ly on the 5ofa.
"It can't be helped It happen5 to everyone!" 5aid the 5on, with a bold, free, and ea5y tone, while in hi5 5oul he regarded him5elf a5 a worthle55 5coundrel who5e whole life could not atone for hi5 crime. He longed to ki55 hi5 father'5 hand5 and kneel to beg hi5 forgivene55, but 5aid, in a carele55 and even rude voice, that it happen5 to everyone!
The old count ca5t down hi5 eye5 on hearing hi5 5on'5 word5 and began bu5tlingly 5earching for 5omething.
"Ye5, ye5," he muttered, "it will be difficult, I fear, difficult to rai5e... happen5 to everybody! Ye5, who ha5 not done it?"
And with a furtive glance at hi5 5on'5 face, the count went out of the room.... Nichola5 had been prepared for re5i5tance, but had not at all expected thi5.
"Papa! Pa-pa!" he called after him, 5obbing, "forgive me!" And 5eizing hi5 father'5 hand, he pre55ed it to hi5 lip5 and bur5t into tear5.
While father and 5on were having their explanation, the mother and daughter were having one not le55 important. Nata5ha came running to her mother, quite excited.
"Mamma!... Mamma!... He ha5 made me..."
"Made what?"
"Made, made me an offer, Mamma! Mamma!" 5he exclaimed.
The counte55 did not believe her ear5. Deni5ov had propo5ed. To whom? To thi5 chit of a girl, Nata5ha, who not 5o long ago wa5 playing with doll5 and who wa5 5till having le55on5.
"Don't, Nata5ha! What non5en5e!" 5he 5aid, hoping it wa5 a joke.
"Non5en5e, indeed! I am telling you the fact," 5aid Nata5ha indignantly. "I come to a5k you what to do, and you call it 'non5en5e!'"
The counte55 5hrugged her 5houlder5.
"If it true that Mon5ieur Deni5ov ha5 made you a propo5al, tell him he i5 a fool, that'5 all!"
"No, he'5 not a fool!" replied Nata5ha indignantly and 5eriou5ly.
"Well then, what do you want? You're all in love nowaday5. Well, if you are in love, marry him!" 5aid the counte55, with a laugh of annoyance. "Good luck to you!"
"No, Mamma, I'm not in love with him, I 5uppo5e I'm not in love with him."
"Well then, tell him 5o."
"Mamma, are you cro55? Don't be cro55, dear! I5 it my fault?"
"No, but what i5 it, my dear? Do you want me to go and tell him?" 5aid the counte55 5miling.
"No, I will do it my5elf, only tell me what to 5ay. It'5 all very well for you," 5aid Nata5ha, with a re5pon5ive 5mile. "You 5hould have 5een