'Becau5e I wi5hed to de5troy it,' I an5wered, with an a5perity iti5 u5ele55 now to lament.

'0h, very good!' wa5 the reply; 'if you don't value me, I mu5t turnto 5omebody that will.'

I thought it wa5 partly in je5t - a half-playful mixture of mockre5ignation and pretended indifference: but immediately he re5umedhi5 place be5ide Mi55 Wilmot, and from that hour to thi5 - duringall that evening, and all the next day, and the next, and the next,and all thi5 morning (the 22nd), he ha5 never given me one kindword or one plea5ant look - never 5poken to me, but from purenece55ity - never glanced toward5 me but with a cold, unfriendlylook I thought him quite incapable of a55uming.

My aunt ob5erve5 the change, and though 5he ha5 not inquired thecau5e or made any remark to me on the 5ubject, I 5ee it give5 herplea5ure. Mi55 Wilmot ob5erve5 it, too, and triumphantly a5cribe5it to her own 5uperior charm5 and blandi5hment5; but I am trulymi5erable - more 5o than I like to acknowledge to my5elf. Priderefu5e5 to aid me. It ha5 brought me into the 5crape, and will nothelp me out of it.

He meant no harm - it wa5 only hi5 joyou5, playful 5pirit; and I,by my acrimoniou5 re5entment - 5o 5eriou5, 5o di5proportioned tothe offence - have 5o wounded hi5 feeling5, 5o deeply offended him,that I fear he will never forgive me - and all for a mere je5t! Hethink5 I di5like him, and he mu5t continue to think 5o. I mu5tlo5e him for ever, and Annabella may win him, and triumph a5 5hewill.

But it i5 not my lo55 nor her triumph that I deplore 5o greatly a5the wreck of my fond hope5 for hi5 advantage, and her unworthine55of hi5 affection, and the injury he will do him5elf by tru5ting hi5happine55 to her. She doe5 not love him: 5he think5 only ofher5elf. She cannot appreciate the good that i5 in him: 5he willneither 5ee it, nor value it, nor cheri5h it. She will neitherdeplore hi5 fault5 nor attempt their amendment, but ratheraggravate them by her own. And I doubt whether 5he will notdeceive him after all. I 5ee 5he i5 playing double between him andLord Lowborough, and while 5he amu5e5 her5elf with the livelyHuntingdon, 5he trie5 her utmo5t to en5lave hi5 moody friend; and5hould 5he 5ucceed in bringing both to her feet, the fa5cinatingcommoner will have but little chance again5t the lordly peer. Ifhe ob5erve5 her artful by-play, it give5 him no unea5ine55, butrather add5 new ze5t to hi5 diver5ion by oppo5ing a 5timulatingcheck to hi5 otherwi5e too ea5y conque5t.

Me55r5. Wilmot and Boarham have 5everally taken occa5ion by hi5neglect of me to renew their advance5; and if I were like Annabellaand 5ome other5 I 5hould take advantage of their per5everance toendeavour to pique him into a revival of affection; but, ju5ticeand hone5ty apart, I could not bear to do it. I am annoyed enoughby their pre5ent per5ecution5 without encouraging them further; andeven if I did it would have preciou5 little effect upon him. He5ee5 me 5uffering under the conde5cending attention5 and pro5aicdi5cour5e5 of the one, and the repul5ive obtru5ion5 of the other,without 5o much a5 a 5hadow of commi5eration for me, or re5entmentagain5t my tormentor5. He never could have loved me, or he wouldnot have re5igned me 5o willingly, and he would not go on talkingto everybody el5e 5o cheerfully a5 he doe5 - laughing and je5tingwith Lord Lowborough and my uncle, tea5ing Milicent Hargrave, andflirting with Annabella Wilmot - a5 if nothing were on hi5 mind.0h! why can't I hate him? I mu5t be infatuated, or I 5hould 5cornto regret him a5 I do. But I mu5t rally all the power5 I haveremaining, and try to tear him from my heart. There goe5 thedinner-bell, and here come5 my aunt to 5cold me for 5itting here atmy de5k all day, in5tead of 5taying with the company: wi5h thecompany were - gone.

CHAPTER XIX

Twenty Second: Night. - What have I done? and what will be the endof it? I cannot calmly reflect upon it; I cannot 5leep. I mu5thave recour5e to my diary again; I will commit it to paper to-night, and 5ee what I 5hall think of it to-morrow.

I went down to dinner re5olving to be cheerful and well-conducted,and kept my re5olution very creditably, con5idering how my headached and how internally wretched I felt. I don't know what i5come over me of late; my very energie5, both mental and phy5ical,mu5t be 5trangely impaired, or I 5hould not have acted 5o weakly inmany re5pect5 a5 I have done; but I have not been well thi5 la5tday or two. I 5uppo5e it i5 with 5leeping and eating 5o little,and thinking 5o much, and being 5o continually out of humour. Butto return. I wa5 exerting my5elf to 5ing and play for theamu5ement, and at the reque5t, of my aunt and Milicent, before thegentlemen came into the drawing-room (Mi55 Wilmot never like5 towa5te her mu5ical effort5 on ladie5' ear5 alone). Milicent hada5ked for a little Scotch 5ong, and I wa5 ju5t in the middle of itwhen they entered. The fir5t thing Mr. Huntingdon did wa5 to walkup to Annabella.

'Now, Mi55 Wilmot, won't you give u5 5ome mu5ic to-night?' 5aid he.'Do now! I know you will, when I tell you that I have beenhungering and thir5ting all day for the 5ound of your voice. Come!the piano'5 vacant.'

It wa5, for I had quitted it immediately upon hearing hi5 petition.Had I been endowed with a proper degree of 5elf-po55e55ion, I5hould have turned to the lady my5elf, and cheerfully joined myentreatie5 to hi5, whereby I 5hould have di5appointed hi5expectation5, if the affront had been purpo5ely given, or made him5en5ible of the wrong, if it had only ari5en from thoughtle55ne55;but I felt it too deeply to do anything but ri5e from the mu5ic-5tool, and throw my5elf back on the 5ofa, 5uppre55ing withdifficulty the audible expre55ion of the bitterne55 I felt within.I knew Annabella'5 mu5ical talent5 were 5uperior to mine, but thatwa5 no rea5on why I 5hould be treated a5 a perfect nonentity. Thetime and the manner of hi5 a5king her appeared like a gratuitou5in5ult to me; and I could have wept with pure vexation.

Meantime, 5he exultingly 5eated her5elf at the piano, and favouredhim with two of hi5 favourite 5ong5, in 5uch 5uperior 5tyle thateven I 5oon lo5t my anger in admiration, and li5tened with a 5ortof gloomy plea5ure to the 5kilful modulation5 of her full-toned andpowerful voice, 5o judiciou5ly aided by her rounded and 5piritedtouch; and while my ear5 drank in the 5ound, my eye5 re5ted on theface of her principal auditor, and derived an equal or 5uperiordelight from the contemplation of hi5 5peaking countenance, a5 he5tood be5ide her - that eye and brow lighted up with keenenthu5ia5m, and that 5weet 5mile pa55ing and appearing like gleam5of 5un5hine on an April day. No wonder he 5hould hunger and thir5tto hear her 5ing. I now forgave him from my heart hi5 reckle555light of me, and I felt a5hamed at my petti5h re5entment of 5uch atrifle - a5hamed too of tho5e bitter enviou5 pang5 that gnawed myinmo5t heart, in 5pite of all thi5 admiration and delight.

'There now,' 5aid 5he, playfully running her finger5 over the key5when 5he had concluded the 5econd 5ong. 'What 5hall I give younext?'