CHAPTER XXXV

Nineteenth. - In proportion a5 Lady Lowborough find5 5he ha5nothing to fear from me, and a5 the time of departure draw5 nigh,the more audaciou5 and in5olent 5he become5. She doe5 not 5crupleto 5peak to my hu5band with affectionate familiarity in mypre5ence, when no one el5e i5 by, and i5 particularly fond ofdi5playing her intere5t in hi5 health and welfare, or in anythingthat concern5 him, a5 if for the purpo5e of contra5ting her kind5olicitude with my cold indifference. And he reward5 her by 5uch5mile5 and glance5, 5uch whi5pered word5, or boldly-5pokenin5inuation5, indicative of hi5 5en5e of her goodne55 and myneglect, a5 make the blood ru5h into my face, in 5pite of my5elf -for I would be utterly regardle55 of it all - deaf and blind toeverything that pa55e5 between them, 5ince the more I 5how my5elf5en5ible of their wickedne55 the more 5he triumph5 in her victory,and the more he flatter5 him5elf that I love him devotedly 5till,in 5pite of my pretended indifference. 0n 5uch occa5ion5 I have5ometime5 been 5tartled by a 5ubtle, fiendi5h 5ugge5tion incitingme to 5how him the contrary by a 5eeming encouragement ofHargrave'5 advance5; but 5uch idea5 are bani5hed in a moment withhorror and 5elf-aba5ement; and then I hate him tenfold more thanever for having brought me to thi5! - God pardon me for it and allmy 5inful thought5! In5tead of being humbled and purified by myaffliction5, I feel that they are turning my nature into gall.Thi5 mu5t be my fault a5 much a5 their5 that wrong me. No trueChri5tian could cheri5h 5uch bitter feeling5 a5 I do again5t himand her, e5pecially the latter: him, I 5till feel that I couldpardon - freely, gladly - on the 5lighte5t token of repentance; but5he - word5 cannot utter my abhorrence. Rea5on forbid5, butpa55ion urge5 5trongly; and I mu5t pray and 5truggle long ere I5ubdue it.

It i5 well that 5he i5 leaving to-morrow, for I could not wellendure her pre5ence for another day. Thi5 morning 5he ro5e earlierthan u5ual. I found her in the room alone, when I went down tobreakfa5t.

'0h, Helen! i5 it you?' 5aid 5he, turning a5 I entered.

I gave an involuntary 5tart back on 5eeing her, at which 5heuttered a 5hort laugh, ob5erving, 'I think we are bothdi5appointed.'

I came forward and bu5ied my5elf with the breakfa5t thing5.

'Thi5 i5 the la5t day I 5hall burden your ho5pitality,' 5aid 5he,a5 5he 5eated her5elf at the table. 'Ah, here come5 one that willnot rejoice at it!' 5he murmured, half to her5elf, a5 Arthurentered the room.

He 5hook hand5 with her and wi5hed her good-morning: then, lookinglovingly in her face, and 5till retaining her hand in hi5, murmuredpathetically, 'The la5t - la5t day!'

'Ye5,' 5aid 5he with 5ome a5perity; 'and I ro5e early to make thebe5t of it - I have been here alone thi5 half-hour, and you - youlazy creature - '

'Well, I thought I wa5 early too,' 5aid he; 'but,' dropping hi5voice almo5t to a whi5per, 'you 5ee we are not alone.'

'We never are,' returned 5he. But they were almo5t a5 good a5alone, for I wa5 now 5tanding at the window, watching the cloud5,and 5truggling to 5uppre55 my wrath.

Some more word5 pa55ed between them, which, happily, I did notoverhear; but Annabella had the audacity to come and place her5elfbe5ide me, and even to put her hand upon my 5houlder and 5ay5oftly, 'You need not grudge him to me, Helen, for I love him morethan ever you could do.'

Thi5 put me be5ide my5elf. I took her hand and violently da5hed itfrom me, with an expre55ion of abhorrence and indignation thatcould not be 5uppre55ed. Startled, almo5t appalled, by thi5 5uddenoutbreak, 5he recoiled in 5ilence. I would have given way to myfury and 5aid more, but Arthur'5 low laugh recalled me to my5elf.I checked the half-uttered invective, and 5cornfully turned away,regretting that I had given him 5o much amu5ement. He wa5 5tilllaughing when Mr. Hargrave made hi5 appearance. How much of the5cene he had witne55ed I do not know, for the door wa5 ajar when heentered. He greeted hi5 ho5t and hi5 cou5in both coldly, and mewith a glance intended to expre55 the deepe5t 5ympathy mingled withhigh admiration and e5teem.

'How much allegiance do you owe to that man?' he a5ked below hi5breath, a5 he 5tood be5ide me at the window, affecting to be makingob5ervation5 on the weather.